Quite a bit has changed since my last blog post. We still think of our sweet baby and we are still thankful for the role he played in our lives, even for a short time. Joe successfully completed his first half-marathon and I am so proud of him! Hopefully we can do one together someday.
After losing our surprise baby, we realized that we were more ready to have one than we thought. The idea of having a tiny human around stuck with us, and on May 17th I found out I was pregnant again. This initial experience was very different than our first. There were a lot more tears and more prayer. I struggled with trusting the Lord with our second pregnancy. Until I passed the point that I had miscarried Emmanuel, I didn't feel attachment to the baby. I stopped drinking alcohol, cut back on caffeine and ate healthier, but other than that I didn't behave like I had with my first pregnancy. I didn't daydream or plan or really dwell on the baby very much at all. Until I passed the 3-month mark, I felt like I was just waiting for something bad to happen. My husband encouraged me by reminding me that this baby belonged to the Lord and that He loves us and does everything for our good.
We told our friends and family later in the pregnancy and with less fanfare than the first. Of course everyone was thrilled and we welcomed all the prayers that came our way.
I was sick for most of the first trimester and I slept ALL the time. Joe would get home from work and I was passed out on the couch almost every day. It was slightly reassuring to have these symptoms, but mostly I was praying that they wouldn't last the whole pregnancy. The day I started my second trimester the sickness disappeared and I felt great! Slowly but surely I grew in love for the little life inside me. Hearing the heartbeat for the first time, finding out that he is a BOY and feeling his kicks and punches grow stronger and stronger have changed me for good!
As I type this I am 27 weeks and 5 days along. I can't believe how fast and how slow this pregnancy has gone! I feel like I've been pregnant forever and I can't wait to meet him, but I can't believe it's been 7 months already!
Through God's providence, Joe was offered a job in Fresno and he took it. We were stunned by the opportunity to move back home! I was ecstatic thinking about having our baby with family close. I made sure Joe wasn't just doing it for me and that it was a change he wanted. We miss our Tehachapeople like crazy but we are adjusting to life in our hometown.
God's hand in our circumstances and experiences is obvious when looking back on this past year and a half. He's tested us, blessed us and grown us in love for each other and for Him. We are eager to see what He does in this new chapter (parenthood!).
